So, it’s National Infertility Awareness Week. As of today we have been trying to conceive and give birth to a living child for 1, 685 days. I must admit that I’m not very good and publicly sharing our journey of infertility and loss. Now, does that mean that the people in my life don’t know about our struggle and our journey? No. I have a strong inner circle of friends and family that know and care about the events surrounding our journey to baby. And for me, that’s enough. I don’t need the girl I roomed with freshman year of college, who I haven’t spoken to since, knowing about the most intimate parts of my life. What’s the point? Would she empathize with me? Probably not. Would she sympathize for me? Probably. But I don’t need sympathy. I need someone to be in the trenches with me, not someone to feel bad for my situation. With all that being said, I am glad that so many women out there do such a great job of educating others on social media of our struggles, by providing lists to what not to say to your infertile friend, and so forth. It’s just not for me, as I don’t even have a Twitter or Facebook, and hardly anyone follows me on Instagram. So, kudos to my infertility sisters for educating others on our behalf. I am doing my part through intimate conversations with co-workers family members, and friends.
So here we are, on the BIG day! Which was yesterday. Our boy is in and getting nice and cozy! I was unbelievably calm leading up to our transfer day and continue to be. I was worried that it meant that I didn’t care. But after prayer and consideration I realized that I have finally given up control to God. I know that there is nothing that I can do to control the outcome of all of this, and worrying and stressing does me no good. I hope that my confidence in the Lord continues through the two week wait and throughout my pregnancy. I keep looking at this picture thinking, ‘this is the last picture we will ever take in a world where it’s just the two of us.’ How exciting is that my friends?!
Yesterday, we left the clinic with 3 embryos. One in my uterus, and the other two in straws. The clinic gave us the two abnormal embryos which we learned were both girls and incompatible with life. I was surprised by this, I have never heard anyone else talk about being able to take their embryos home with them. We are happy to have them with us, and I am moved that I have actually held those babies in my hands. We bought a willow tree to plant near our pond. We plan to bury them under the tree. We hope the tree will be a living reminder of our two girls and the two children we miscarried over the past year. I plan to post a picture after it is planted. I told a friend the other day, that infertility and miscarriage comes with so many emotions all at once. I have to let myself feel all of them, but it’s too much to feel them all at once. So today, I feel CONFIDANT. I am confidant that I am carrying the child that God has promised us.
goingfrombadtogood 