A Thousand Lives in One

Over the past several years I have fallen in love with the George R.R. Martin series, A Song of Ice and Fire. Let me share one of my favorite quotes. “A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.” Isn’t it amazing how true that is? Isn’t that why we love fiction novels?  We get to live the lives of the fictional characters created within the pages.  We get to leave our world to be in theirs.  We can image our life in another place, another time.  Maybe we would have more money, more opportunities, better looks, better luck? Or maybe the fate of the characters are so dire that the problems we face don’t seem so troubling after all?  We get to forget for the briefest of moments the real tragedies that are actually facing us today. I have found that novels can either make me feel better about my life or help me to escape it to feel like I’m living in a better one. Maybe you can relate.  As much as I hate to disagree with my favorite author, I believe there is another way to live a thousand lives before we die.  Because of  INFERTILITY I am learning how to live a thousand lives in one.

I have always been what I would consider privileged, and to me privilege isn’t always about money.  I am the daughter of a teacher and a homemaker.  I grew up living a fairly modest life.  But, we were never denied the things that we needed.  My siblings and I did not have to get part-time jobs in high school to help pay the rent.  We didn’t have to give up our favorite sport because it was too expensive to play.  Mom ALWAYS made the best meals and kept the house in the nicest condition.  My parents were loving and affectionate to each other.  My family had a lot of friends and we were all healthy.  My parents decided to move when I was a freshman in college to a new town about an hour away from where we grew up, so we could be closer to our aging grandparents.  This transition took a toll on my siblings but I was relatively unaffected because I had already moved away to college.  I meet the darling man I call my husband the summer between my freshman and sophomore year in college.  I was 18 and he was 19.  It only took a few weeks, and we already knew we would be married.  He moved from Florida 4 months after we met, and we spent our last years in college together.  We were married shortly after my college graduation, I was 22 and he was 23.  He got a good job right out of college and so did I.  Not long after we got married he was given an opportunity to buy out his dad in a booming business.  He has been managing the business successfully ever since.  We bought our house 3 years after we were married.  We live 10 minutes from my parents, and 10 minutes from his dad.  My other in-laws live in Florida (talk about a nice get-away!) Wow! That was easy.  We got this life thing figured out!  In less than three years, we meet, got our dream jobs, married, and bought our forever home.  All before any of our friends were even married! Talk about your early bloomers.  See what I mean about privileged? Nothing ever went wrong for us, I guess I figured life would continue to work that way.  We had friends, family, money, careers, and each other. Now we are 28 & 29.  We have been trying to have our first living child for 4.5 years.  Wow, this is HARD, now nothing seems to go right for us!

Before INFERTILITY, when friends would talk about their problems be it with their job, their parents, or their boyfriend, I would listen as any friend would.  I would act empathetic, but when the conversation was over I would always think, “I’m glad it’s them and not me.”  Then, I would move on unaffected by the trials and tribulations facing someone that I was suppose to care about.  I mean how could I know what it was like to not have a boyfriend? How could I know what it was like to not be ‘smart’ enough to pass my college exams?  How could I know what is was like to have non-supportive parents?  I had all of those things and more.  I look back on who I was before INFERTILITY and I hate myself for my ignorance, for my lack of empathy, and my entitlement.

I have vowed to my children in heaven, my future children on earth, myself, my husband, and my friends to never be that person again.  I want to live a thousand lives in one.  I want to love so deeply and care so much for others (even complete strangers)  that I feel like I am living the hardships of their life.  To hurt when a friend hurts, to cry when a friend cries, and hope when a friend hopes. Not to simply think, “man, that sucks, glad my life isn’t like that.”  My INFERTILITY has allowed me to do this.  When a friend loses their job I can understand the feelings of restlessness, helplessness, and loss.  When a longtime friend has gone through their third breakup and feel like they will never find ‘the one’, I can help them because I know how it feels to feels to be lonely.  I want to be the kind of person that anyone can reach out to in their time of need. That is how I will get to live a thousand lives in one.

I pray that each of you find a way to turn your tragedies into a blessing.  It’s a struggle for me every day, but little by little I’m getting there.